//Hari ng Sablay\\

Saturday, February 28, 2004

~*~ I stand on the threshold of what might be a new beginning - one that's been 4 years in the making.

It's been put off for so long, and by a lot of intertwined, successive factors. Even now, I can't say for certain whether this is already the right time. Not that I'm not willing, or that I lack sincerity, or that motivation and inspiration have died; I only fear for the life of a friendship that has long endured, and I am staggered by the weight of lessons recently learned. And yet inside, something calls out, saying that this has been put off for far too long.

I certainly hope hat this is not another regretful episode waiting to unfold.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 1:42 PM

Saturday, February 14, 2004

~*~ Today I watched what seemed to be the last episode of one of my new favorite anime shows, "Chobits." In a nutshell, it's about Hideki, a teenage boy down on his school- and love-lives, who stumbles upon a female humanoid computer named Chii (pronounced "Chee"), who thinks and feels like normal humans. He takes care of her and predictably they pretty much end up together.

The finer details of the series are quite complicated, but I need not get into them. This is really all about this last episode, because a line in it struck me. In the episode, the Chii basically withdraws from Hideki and has her memory deleted, for though she had found that they love each other, she knows she could never give him true happiness since she's not human. Hideki, however, desperately calls out to her, saying how his being human and her being non-human doesn't matter; what matters is that they love each other, and though their union would bring with it sorrow and pain, being apart would ultimately be more unbearable. And so - yes, you guessed it - Chii is somehow brought back and they live on happily together.

It's quite idealistic, actually. It reeks with romanticism. Because in reality, even petty differences are enough to tear people apart. No couple manages a lasting relationship and survives without compatibility. Obstacles can become too burdensome, even to the most loving and devoted. To stick it out with someone despite many trials in the name of love is to take one hell of a chance. Love isn't really enough on its own, no matter what we would like to think. This world has become too complicated for such a simplistic ideal.

And yet... am I writing this to bash that last episode of "Chobits"? Do I argue that the point it makes is stupid? Honestly, not really. I admit that the romantic message it conveys is too simple and optimistic. In fact, that is the reason why I do not believe it. I'm no longer inclined to believe in such romanticized themes. Not anymore.

The thing is, I wish there was good reason to believe.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 11:19 PM

Friday, February 13, 2004

~*~ Since it's the season for it anyhow, allow me to share some thoughts about what we call "romance."

Recently, as I was listening to Jam 88.3, there came the "Smash or Trash" portion, wherein texters can share their insights on a topic specified by the DJ. The topic that morning was about whether romance is overrated or not. Now, I'm no radio junkie, and I absolutely did not text the radio station. But the topic got me thinking nonetheless.

I wouldn't really say romance is overrated. It's just that there is an overemphasis on the material and physical aspects of it. Couples nowadays become more and more obsessed with the chocolates, the flowers, the shiny jewelry and all. People go around looking for hot chicks in mini-skirts and halter-tops, with assets bulging for the world to see. Or gorgeous hunks with cool cars, fat wallets, and even fatter pockets ("Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?"). Lovers become less concerned about quality time and more concerned about bed time. I'm sure you've seen that around you. Heck, you might even be cursing me now for striking you too close to home. Even I am aware of this, and admittedly have tendencies for it, too. Sad, but it's there.

Some aspects of romance (which I would argue are the finer ones) are becoming more and more underrated. People seem to be getting less and less appreciative of the electricity generated by a nonchalant, even accidental touch. It might not mean much anymore to find someone whom you can have a conversation with and find that you know exactly what he or she is talking about. Or to even sit still and silent with someone, and walk out of it feeling as though that was the deepest conversation you've had in your life. The warmth of just being held in someone's arms, without having to get into each other's pants, has been taken for granted. That kid stuff just doesn't cut it anymore, you have to get down and dirty. But really, it's that kind of romance - that "fairy tale" type - that's underrated.

Romance is not overrated. Its distorted, corrupted doppelganger is.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 12:52 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

~*~ I have a guestbook! Hopefully people who read my ramblings can now write lengthy reactions if they so wish. I'm just nervous because Bravenet allegedly has a history of konking out. We'll see.

Reactions, comments and full-length discussions are welcome and will be appreciated!

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 9:18 PM

Thursday, February 05, 2004

~*~ Hmm. My blog is getting more and more melodramatic and melancholy. I need a change. Comic relief, at the very least.

Somebody give me something to be ecstatic about.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 8:49 PM

~*~ Seems that lately I've had a penchant for losing out to older guys. Just this morning I saw my goddess of beauty walking around with her "suitor". Much to my surprise (and indignant dismay), it was a little-known family friend of ours. A guy who happened to start his freshman year in the university roughly the same age as I did, and who is now a graduating senior. Meanwhile, my goddess is a sophomore who, due to her elementary background, started college earlier than most. Do the math. It just... grr... my vocabulary fails me... sucks!

Oh well. I'm just bitter. Age doesn't matter after all, nor should it in these types of affairs. It's not in the age of a man, but in his quality.

Obviously, I'm low-class.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 8:41 PM

~*~ I had to go to Makati Med late last night to donate blood to a family friend, Kit Guerra. He's suffering from dengue and his platelet count was getting dangerously low, so his family needed blood donors fast. Today he was reported to be stabilizing already, thank goodness. Hopefully this is the first crucial step on the road to recovery.

To tell the dirty truth, at first I was not too pleased about having to go to the hospital. It was getting really late, I had class early the next day, and on an immensely shallower note I would miss my favorite wrestling program on TV. Though my body was positively telling me to sit it out, mentally I still wasn't one to let friends down, especially in such a dire situation. Well, sure enough, my fears came to pass. It caused me to go home at 1 am, had me too weak to attend my morning classes, and made me a walking vampiric zombie up to this very moment. But ultimately I was happy - genuinely, I might add - that I could help. Humans aren't all body and temperaments after all, or so they should not be; we've got minds that know what must be done, and souls to get it going. It actually made all that baloney in Theology about the role of intellect make sense. Guess it ain't baloney after all.

Now, if only I can actually apply this insight (which is by no means that new) to all other things in my life right now. Maybe I wouldn't be such a loser - and be so depressed about it.

Or I'll end up a disillusioned idealist whose dreams have crumbled into dust - again.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 8:24 PM

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

~*~ I know I've fallen far from the guy I once was in many ways. But only today did I realize the extent. I seem to be getting worse even at the simplest, shallowest things.

Scenario: Kriska leaves me alone in the caf during our break. I'm quite peacefully minding my own business when in walks one of the freshies I've found attractive (there are a lot in school, after all) since last sem... alone. Opportunity beckons! Or so the old Migs would've thought. Well, though even the new Migs saw this too, did he do anything? Heck no. The last thing he - no, I - would want is to be snubbed by a lady at least 3 years my junior. That would be utter humiliation.

But for the old Migs, it would have been elementary. And around an hour or so later I - no, he - would've walked out of the caf, smiling, with a new friend, a new possible prospect, and a new phone entry.

Geez. Such a little thing, and I can't even do it right anymore. Hell, I can't even do it, period. Now that's humiliation.

What is happening to me?

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 9:50 PM

Monday, February 02, 2004

~*~ Again, posting lyrics as a substitute for actual thought.

Very striking though. You'll know what I mean if you know me well enough.

If I Am
9 Days

So you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall
So far down, or maybe you were thinking about jumping
And you could have it all,
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly,
I'm not content to crawl
So give me a little credit,
Have in me a little faith
I wanna be with you forever,
If tomorrow's not too late
But it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say
And you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises today

If I am,
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down

So you're walking on the edge,
And you wait your turn to fall
But you're so far gone, that you don't see the hands up held to catch you
And you could find the fault,
In the heart that you've been handed
But though you cannot fly,
You're not content to crawl
And it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say
But you should never let the sunset on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises

If I am,
Another waste of everything you hope for, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down...

So you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall...

If I am,
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down

The answers we find are never what we had in mind,
So we make it up as we go along
You don't talk of dreams, I won't mention tomorrow
We won't make those promises that we can't keep

I will never leave you
I will not let you down
I will never leave you
I will not let you down...

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 6:15 PM