//Hari ng Sablay\\

Monday, April 26, 2004

~*~ Just some random thoughts.

My friend and I had a very brief chat about a concept in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", something about the "First Evil." He had forgotten what exactly it was on the show, so I half-jokingly retorted some silly speculations. The devil? The serpent? Or maybe some hot woman named "Eve"? Then I had this weird thought... what if "evil" came from the word "Eve"? Would that mean....... well, go figure. Obviously this idea was met with a lot of violent reactions from all my female friends. Oh well, just a thought ladies, I don't really mean to imply anything... or do I?

Anyway.

Also chatted with a friend about her boyfriend, whom she's planning to break up with; only she can't bring herself to because the guy's having some problems and she doesn't want to add to them. And well, she really can't quite decide whether or not she really is still in love with the guy. It kinda looks like that point where you don't feel the romantic rush anymore, but a bit of the fire is rekindled with contact. Making the transition from the puppy-love, "kilig" stage perhaps? Maybe.

Anyway, it brought back to mind something one of my teachers said. He said something about girlfriends being more dangerous. Why? because sometimes, the girl has broken up with you long before your actual break-up. Get my drift? Though i sort of understood this, I didn't quite see how this was possible at first. And then that friend's story came along. Wow. As if I didn't have enough reasons not to trust the opposite sex so much already. Not that I'm against her (my friend); in fact I made it clear that I hope it works out and that she has no fault in this because her intentions were good. It's just that it's a risky, delicate business.

So is this another bitter "bash those bitches" entry? Well, maybe. But really, these situations are complex and have different sides to them, and just as complex are the people involved. There is no black and white, only shades of grey. In any case, I guess I am one of the few guys who dare give their two cents worth on these things amid all the skepticism about men. You know, labelling men as players and perverts.

Well honeys, not all of you are angels, either.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 9:48 PM

Sunday, April 25, 2004

~*~

My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

Don't ask.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 12:45 PM

Saturday, April 24, 2004

~*~ Seems like everybody's quoting somebody nowadays. Haha. But in any case, I found this entry in Geia's blog (http://geiageiageia.diaryland.com/) very striking. I've been on both sides of the fence in this situation, and it's not always pretty. But I think it's something that a lot of people can relate to, and that is worth thinking about.

Check it out.

ever since i could remember, i've always felt for the supporting actors. i was never for the leading man. i was always for the guy who does almost everything for the girl, the one that the girl should have chosen in the first place. but because mr. leading man has this weird control over her heart, regardless of the possible hurt that the guy could cause her, she chooses mr. leading man. haha. that's why i usually go out of the moviehouse feeling heartbroken instead of happy, because it still has the same ending: the supporting actor and all his efforts were left unnoticed by the girl who doesn't know better.

then i learned that one of my closest friends just recently became the supporting actor in the life of this really lucky girl.

"ginawa ko na lahat. sinabi ko na lahat. pero isang kalabit lang ni ****** sa kanya, nakakalimutan na nya lahat yun."

ewan.

basta ang alam ko kapag ganyan ang nangyayari, hindi ko mapigilan na masaktan din.

maybe it's because i feel like i will always be the 'supporting actress' as well.

kahit in a literal sense, i was never into getting the lead roles. i always liked playing those supporting roles. it's because i believe that what they do in the span of the play is really important. they go unnoticed, of course all the attention goes to the lead parts, but without us supporting roles, nothing would happen to them anyway.

i remembered this talk i had with gem about how the smallest of details can change lives.

i think that's where my love for supporting roles comes from.

you fail to notice those small details, but take them away and you feel that a big part of your life was taken away from you. your life becomes less of a wonder than it used to be.

i finally understood why i have this weird thing for supporting roles.

Kudos to the supporting roles in our lives. But I think they deserve the lead every now and then.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 8:30 PM

Thursday, April 22, 2004

~*~ Once again, I watched American Idol to root for my *ahem* future wife (sorry Glenn, agawan tayo rito! hehe :p ) Jasmine Trias. She did relatively badly, as she sang some notes off-key, but as some insiders would point out, she and Diana deGarmo had laryngitis at the time. It's no excuse, of course, and they had to tough it out, but it obviously took a toll on their performances. Still, it's quite obvious that they did much better than some of the perfectly healthy ones.

Which brings me firstly to Jon Peter Lewis and Camile Velasco, who at the start were some of my favorites. They were quite disappointing, sadly. They just fizzled out since entering the final 12, and I feel bad for them. But they were just awful, so I'm not surprised they were booted out. Well, they're still promising vocalists, so perhaps there's still a future for them somewhere, sometime. That'll give JPL time to work on becoming vocally consistent, and Camile some time to build confidence in her ability and shake off the I-wanna-go-to-the-bathroom look on her face.

I love the African-Americans. They're just... wow! I'm lost for words. The screeching aside, Fantasia was her usual hyped and amped self. Still a performer who simply blows the audience away. George just keeps getting better, and if my gorgeous and talented future wife won't win the competition, I'll be quite glad if he does. LaToya and Jennifer are the heir-apparents to Whitney Houston and Aretha Franklin. Loved their performances. It's just a pity that --------- POTENTIAL SPOILER ALERT!!! ------------------------------------------- Jennifer's getting booted out next (after Camile and JPL, meaning we see this 2 - 3 weeks from now).

Which brings me to John Stevens. Yes, I know, he is well-loved by all of his fangirls out there (some of whom are my friends, and who bother to read the crap I type on this blog :p ). He seems to have cast this bizarre spell on the female teen populace, and I just don't get it. Now I don't wanna sound mean and I don't mean to offend his fans, but I think some of those who were kicked out didn't deserve to be eliminated before John Stevens. Sure, he must have this adorable I'm-the-real-life-Archie thing going on, and his Frank Sinatra meets Kermit the Frog vocal performances have actually been good at some occasions. But really, JPL and Jenni got eliminated before he did? I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to go Simon Cowell on that one.

Anyway, enough ranting about that, lest I incur the wrath of John Stevens' rabid fangirls. I really just found his whole American idol business as a striking example of how far personal biases can take certain people. How else can you explain how someone whose singing is considered "abyssmal" quite regularly can still enjoy some level of success because of his enamored fans? And how a perfectly talented singer can suddenly find herself back in obscurity in spite of the true greatness she showed, because she somehow didn't appeal to the voting public.

Which is why I think Simon is the best judge of the three. Don't get me wrong, I don't like the guy any more than most of you do. It's just that he is able to be straightforward, and doesn't often allow himself to get carried away by his personal preferences (though he is human, and at times he does). He tells the contestants straight up how well they did or how they just sucked. He doesn't get blown away by the razzle-dazzle of the more confident and passionate performers. That way he's the most effective judge, in my opinion.

Frankly, I wish I could be more like Simon, instead of always trying to be as nice as Paula. But I can't. And I don't feel comfortable about being unpopular by being brutally honest.

Don't kill me for hating John Stevens, OK people?

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 9:15 PM

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

~*~ My entire body is sore from the activities from the past few days. I have started my regular trips to the gym, which is something I've resolved to do when the opportunity came. My plans are facing a minor setback, however, as transpo has become very erratic. It's quite a cosmic joke that's always been played on me - when I finally have the drive and motivation to do something, so many things always get in the way. I am not meant to have anything easy, now, am I? Oh well, if there's a will, there's a way. Guess I'll just have to commute.

Also played basketball with high school classmates yesterday. I missed playing, and it's been ages since I last played (and it showed in my horrendous performance), but it reminded me of how much I enjoy it. And yeah, I actually missed those darn blokes I once played ball with very often. I'm a bit outdated on what's been happening to their lives, and they're all talking about getting jobs already, but I'm glad I can still relate to them, and the feeling of being welcome hasn't quite disappeared. I hope I manage to stay in touch with them even when they're working. But well, they're all a bunch of lazy bums at the moment, so I still have a few months of basketball and outings to spend with them.

I really hope I can keep up my determination to get into shape. And I hope I can maintain contact with old friends. After all, those are the people I grew up with, and if only for that I'd like to keep them in my life one way or another. It's friends like them whom you'd be a fool to lose touch with.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 1:37 PM

Sunday, April 18, 2004

~*~

Your Love Situation by Amberishjewel
Username?
Your Love Is...	Gentle
During Lovemaking You Act...	Like a volcano, hot & steamy
Your Partner Is...	Your everything
Your Partner Has Said That You...	Are a good listener
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote.	"I love your lips"

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

Hmmm.....

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 12:17 AM

~*~

How would you do on American Idol? by geela
Name
Age
Simon says	The worst singer in the world
Paula says	Best performance all day!
Randy says	DAWG! I'm feelin' ya
Success level	You are the World Idol!

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 12:12 AM

Saturday, April 17, 2004

~*~ I ran into my siblings looking through old pictures today, and joining them I found it very amusing. They were all sniggering at our baby and toddler pics, unanimously agreeing we were all adorable kids (too bad that changed when we all grew older, nyarharhar). And then there were the not so old pictures, most of which were just as hilarious. But i guess I couldn't help but stop and stare at my high school pictures.

Call it another one of my rounds of sappy reminiscing blues, but I just found it striking. There was me... the same face (for the most part), but with less fat, a wider and more natural smile, gleaming eyes... generally younger (seemingly by more than what it actually is compared to today, i mean) and definitely happier-looking. Add a line from a surprising testimonial from a high school classmate, which read, "here's to the good times," and it really set me off on nostalgia mode. And there I was, longing for high school again.

But then, my point really is, it all just made me admit to myself that all my useless depression stems from my being caught up in the past. Somehow there's always a part of me that just won't let go of some past things. And while it's healthy and rewarding to look back, it's never a good thing to step back and place a foot on a time long gone. This is also why I can never grow up enough and I get all childish (as opposed to remaining child-like, which is a different thing altogether). Obviously, this has to change. And though blogging hardly facilitates anything, it gives me a written record of a realization I cannot afford to forget, and which my friends could possibly learn from.

A very close friend wrote in my guestbook, and she said, "Things happen for a reason." I remember saying this to another good friend quite recently about her own troubles. I think I'd better listen to those words, too.

Cheers, everyone.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 11:44 PM

~*~ Finally, a little sense knocked into me. The voice of reason has finally prevailed.

And it said... "enough."

And so it must end. It seems even after all the recovering and the soul-searching, I am still in no position to trust myself. Not how I feel, not how I see things, nothing.

I have to get in touch with myself first... the Migs that is buried somewhere, in a deep rut where he let himself fall. Got to dig him out, and let him clamber back up.

Then, and only then, can I truly begin.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 12:10 AM

Friday, April 16, 2004

~*~ I don't know.

Either nobody really understands what I'm going through, or I'm making too much of a big deal out of this.

Maybe it's the latter.

Good God, what have I become? Am I really a lonely man surrounded by friendly faces? Is it such a necessity for me to have someone by my side? Is this love that I feel, or emptiness and insecurity?

Oh screw it all. I probably just need a shrink or some shock treatments.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 11:22 PM

~*~ In a Rush
Blackstreet

It came over me in a rush
When I realized that I love you so much
That sometimes I cry, but I cant tell you why
why I feel what I feel inside

How I try to express what's been troublin' my mind
But still can't find the words
But I know that something's got a hold of me

It came over me in a rush
When I realized that I love you so much
That sometimes I cry, but I cant tell you why
why I feel what I feel inside

Baby, some day I'll find a way to say
just what you mean to me
But if that day never comes along
and you don't hear this song
I guess you'll never know that...

It came over me in a rush
When I realized that I love you so much
That sometimes I cry, but I cant tell you why
why I feel what I feel inside

And when I say inside, I mean deep
You fill my soul with something I can't explain
It's over me

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 2:20 AM

~*~ It's 2:00 in the morning, and I have that kind of feeling where my mind is like it's on fire, and I can't sleep. Things that probably caused this on a minor scale are -- Jasmine Trias' brilliant performance, LOTR TCG brainstorming, a second viewing of Love Actually (Keira Knightley!!!) and my recently acquired I-have-to-be-online-whether-I'm-doing-anything-or-not syndrome. But those are all mere peripherals. The biggest thing keeping me awake is... her.

She knows nothing. Yet. And that is crucial. It might be way too early, for one thing. Not only early in terms of how close we are at this time. But if you really get down to it, she's... young. There's still so much she deserves to learn and discover, and so many experiences that she can benefit from await her. The last thing she needs is for a guy 2 - 4 years her senior to come up to her and get all serious.

But the more agonizing part for me, emotionally, is that I really can't figure her out. Sometimes she is just so nice that you'd almost think you mean as much to her as you'd like. But then the next time she shows up, she might hardly even notice you're there. I feel at times that we have a ball, that we connect on things. Then in an instant, the true distance looms over me again.

Perhaps I'm too cautious, or paranoid. I mean, there's some truth to the notion that these things are all about risks, and entail taking chances. Or I probably just think too much. I mean, sure, i really don't want to lose her before I even have her. And there is such a thing as biding your time, and often it is a wise course of action. But at this rate I also don't even give myself the chance to get there. And if I don't find a way to act on what I feel, time will just run out on me; and I'll find that I sat, and sulked, and agonized all that time and all those chances away.

And she'll never even know. Ever.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 1:54 AM

Sunday, April 11, 2004

~*~ Just got back from the family's annual Holy Week getaway - my dad's hometown, Candelaria, Zambales. We spend the Holy Week there every year, and it aways ends up as a clan reunion of sorts because many of our relatives go there at this time of year too. And mingling with relatives is always fun, since I don't see many of them very often, and we always have such a grand time together, especially at the beach. It's also a refreshing thing to get away from the urban hell and get back in touch with nature every now and then. Technology is quickly catching up, however, as the town already has its own cell site. Still a bit unreliable, but it's getting there.

I saw three new testimonials for me at Friendster today, and I just wanna give shout-outs to Frances, Anna and Andie. They were all very touching, and Frances was getting all literary on me, too. Haha! Thanks people. Will cook up some for you soon, if I haven't already.

Wow. I really don't know what to say. Actually, I have a lot of things racing through my mind and I wanna say all, but there's just too many and I'm lazy. There's someting about the summer air that gets me all lethargic. But I want to rave about the Candelaria trip, and how it was spiced up by two gorgeous sisters (who are my cousin's cousins). I'e known them since childhood but I never expected them to blossom into such sweet sexy things. It's a purely hormonal thing though, and I'll probably forget about them by tomorrow. I also want to rant about my aching sunburnt skin, and the aching friction wounds I have on my feet. Stupid me went jogging in my tight slippers. And I didn't nurse the wounds well either. Now the they're infected and they won't clot. Dang.

We're probably gonna get our grades tomorrow. I dread it to death. I really hope I made it without failures. Waah.

Blah. Obviously no literary masterpiece. But what the heck. To use Kriska's term, I'm "exploded."

Happy Easter.

Advanced Happy Labor Day.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 4:00 PM

Sunday, April 04, 2004

~*~ I watched "Love Actually" yesterday, and I can't rave enough about the dang movie. It was awesome. Sure, it was a date flick and I watched it with a guy friend, but that didn't take anything away from the enjoyable quality of the film. It's not everyday one comes across a movie that involves several interesting plots woven into a cohesive, outstanding whole. Besides, it was a refresing experience to just watch a feel-good movie again, for a change. And then there's that added bonus for me - Keira Knightley, who was her usual charming and gorgeous self (she's really come a long way since "Bend It Like Beckham").

I particularly admire one of the male characters in the film. No, I'm not switching sexual preferences, thanks for asking. Basically, he was being such an ass towards his best friend's wife, and as you watch you get the impression that he's jealous of her (yes, even to that extent). But soon it is revealed that he was in love with the girl all along. But he was cool. He didn't betray his friend at all, and yet he managed to selflessly express his feelings for the girl, and all remained well. It was a decent, dignified and truly manly thing to do (as opposed to the selfish, machismo shit about proving your manhood by being able to steal another guy's girl).

And to think I had qualms about watching a romantic comedy at first. But I ended up enjoying it and I don't regret it at all. I really needed the change after all. In fact, maybe I should watch more of those kinds of films. Maybe I'd stop being so cynical and brooding all the time. I mean, I'm glad I'm more of a realist now but geez, I don't exactly have any desire to be a cold-hearted and pig-headed loser.

All I need now is my own celebrity-look-alike girlfriend (anyone who watched the movie would know what I mean). Make mine Keira.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 10:58 AM