//Hari ng Sablay\\

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

~*~ Feeling: uncharacteristically giddy
Playing: Utada Hikaru - Addicted to You

YM status of the day courtesy of Quiaps:

"You wear nothing... but you wear it so well..."

Yes, Dave Matthews does have a way with lyrics, dude.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 10:33 PM

Monday, August 30, 2004

~*~ Feeling: calm
Playing: Alamid - China Eyes

Finally, a chance to contribute to SupSEB! I've been helping out with the lay-out of the next issue. I hope it turns out good. And I hope this signals the beginning of more contributions for me.

If I were a gifted cartoonist, I'd come up with a comic strip, and I'd base it on my friends, classmates and teachers in UA&P. I know, this came out of nowhere. But I've been reading Pugad Baboy and Beerkada compilations lately, and today at lunch two of my blockmates had a long, interesting and hilarious exchange worthy of a best-selling comic. Proof that the best comedy indeed comes from everyday life.

I worry for a friend with many fears and concerns at the moment - fears brought about by beginnings that never began, beginnings that can instantly become endings, and endings for things that must not end. I pray that these have been resolved, as they seem to be.

Hooray for the literature of the seemingly ordinary day.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 10:41 PM

Sunday, August 29, 2004

~*~ Feeling: exasperatedly amused
Playing: Rivermaya - Himala

Whenever I like someone normal, most often it doesn't go anywhere.

I seem to attract and to click more with women who've had more traumatic or sorrowful life experiences, and/or who are psychologically disturbed to some degree.

Am I doomed to never have a relationship with some semblance of sanity?

I guess crackpots deserve fellow crackpots.

Hehehe.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 10:34 PM

~*~ Shattered Like
Rivermaya

You're the night in my days,
that I fight to keep from coming
you're the life when I pray, that I feel.

I tried to tame you,
I tried to open your mind.
I tried to save you,
you said it's just a waste of time
'coz you are meant to explode one day
'coz you are built that way,
yeah you are built that way.

I delight in my pain,
and I'm shattered like your promises
though I tried to be sane,
I'm just shattered like,
shattered like your promises.

Had you been drinking?
had you been messing up your life
like you did mine, not long ago?

That's good for ego,
that's good for motherf***ing ego
like I need it.
Still, while the record company waits
until our song, I say tough luck

But i'm too crazy and
i'm too weak and I'm too busy
remembering how to smile
and how to be happy.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 2:06 AM

Saturday, August 28, 2004

~*~ Feeling: exhausted
Playing: After Image - Without You

Things are no longer going as planned.

Expectations are building up in places where they shouldn't.

Then again, a friend's naive and yet meaningful retort got me thinking: "Ganyan ka na lang ba lagi?" Hum. I wonder...

Lllloser!!!

I had a talk with another friend and I was enlightened. I am evil. In this life, I can't keep on playing as though I were on Survivor. This is far from being a game. And playing games leads to unnecessary complications.

Besides, in the end there may be nothing to be won.

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 11:41 PM

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

~*~ Feeling: spent and worthless
Playing: Rivermaya - Shattered Like

This day made me recall a past blog entry by Geia on "supporting actors."

Sure, the whole production won't be the same without them. But they really tend to be over-worked and under-paid.

I'm not so sure it's worth it sometimes.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 8:13 PM

Sunday, August 22, 2004

~*~ Feeling: like jumping off a 30-storey building
Playing: Rivermaya - Hate

Well if you're happy, then I'm blue
`Cause i'm not so far, but not near you
And I can't see why we can't see each other
I telephone but you're sleeping forever

I hate you for the things you do
But I love you
And curse you for your beauty
That makes me make some poetry about love
And I don't think you even think about me
If only you were smiling, and if I was your reason
Tomorrow, I could die

I can only pray my absence will change you
Pretend that you're the one who needs my love
But you celebrate, `cause just why should you miss me?
When you know darn well I would die
Just to bring us together

I hate you for the things you do
But I love you
And curse you for your beauty
That makes me make some poetry about love
And I don't think you even think about me
If only you were smiling, and if I was your reason
Tomorrow, I could die

And this is not a love song
Don't even think it's your song

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 11:49 PM

Saturday, August 21, 2004

~*~ Feeling: like a dazed fighter after a knock-out punch
Playing: Rivermaya - Balisong

Always be there, and you'll be taken for granted.

Always give your all, and you will lose your all.

These words have crossed my mind so many times, and I foolishly remained heedless. I guess I needed someone to say them to me out loud and straight up.

Francine, thank you for the wake-up call.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 6:57 PM

Thursday, August 19, 2004

~*~ Feeling: strangely calm
Playing: Moonstar 88 - Fall on Me

Strangely calm - yes that's the best way to describe it. There are a lot of things to worry about and work on in school, and this is the eve of our second Physics long test, but I'm not agitated. It's probably a defense mechanism; I must have reached the point where I can take no more stress, and I've sort of shut down. I'm hoping it's more of a good thing than a bad thing.

My OPM trip still continues. It brings to mind how my friend Quiaps once said that the songs when you were young stick to you the most, and become the "soundtrack" of your life. Not that I'm old (at least I'd like to think I'm not), but considering all these kalye rock songs I'm downloading are the songs I listened to growing up, he's got a good point. Yes, Kristy, more signs of aging.

For some reason I'm looking forward to watching "Ten Little Indians" tomorrow night. I guess I haven't had a decent dose of theater in ages, and I feel the need for some culture. I'll be watching with friends (a lot of them?), too, so it should be fun. I want to help out my fellow SupSEBers write a review on it, but I'm not sure there's room for me to contribute. Oh well. The play's free, anyhow, so I'll just enjoy. It starts at 7:30 though, and I'm still clueless on what I can do from 1:30 `til then.

Amen to the mundane. It's actually quite as therapeutic as my usual ranting. Less edgy though, and after all that I've written it seems kind of pretentious. Hum.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 7:21 PM

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

~*~ Feeling: that bittersweet feeling of being sorrowfully pleased with myself
Playing: Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved

I think there's enough proof now. I think I've definitely chosen the right path on this one, and I'm glad I did. I just wish I could walk the right path on many other aspects as well.

Other issues still plague me though, like one from my past that still kicks me in the behind when I least expect it. Not to mention a looming shadw that grows bigger everyday, and the feeling of having to look over my shoulder all the time. Despite what my delusional psyche tells me, it's not a companion I need; it's a bodyguard to watch my fricking back 24/7.

On a lighter note, in contrast to what I'm listening to at the moment, I'm on an OPM trip. Well, more of a kalye rock trip, actually. Found myself downloading the popular Pinoy band songs during the time that I was so into them. More signs of aging, I'm afraid.

Hum. I should ramble more often.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 9:51 PM

Monday, August 16, 2004

~*~ Feeling: Contemplative and angsty
My Song: True Faith: Kung OK Lang Sa `Yo

One of the most frustrating things in life is to be misunderstood. It hurts to find that some things you do, whatever your intentions may be, are often misconstrued; not necessarily because you're doing something wrong or inappropriate, but because it is you who's doing it. Perhaps the saying is true - the greatest of harm often results from the best intentions.

The truth is often generally regarded as good. I beg to disagree. It's not always best to come out with the truth. The truth dashes hopes, distorts perceptions, over-emphasizes the trivial and dilutes sincerity. It can separate people as much as it brings them together. But what happens when you withhold the truth in order to defend something important? You are judged. You become untrustworthy. You become deceptive. You become secretive. You become a traitor. You are exposed for what you are, and left alone and naked in the cold darkness, all because the so-called truth jeopardized something sacred, and you chose to protect it.

What is it about me that raises people's eyebrows? People try to put meaning or even malice into what I do based on their prejudices. And where I don't quite fit, I am constricted and squeezed in. I am human - alive, dynamic, ever-changing. I do not belong in a cage. No one has the right to compress my being and cram it into a box. No one.

Ah. After a day like this one, that felt pretty damn good.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 10:03 PM

Sunday, August 15, 2004

~*~ It's strange how contemplative my Yahoo Messenger chats have been today.

Frances' choice between a cozy house and a star-lit field somehow led to a metaphor comparing falling in love to the sea. Dadaan ka muna sa mababaw bago ka umabot sa malalim. I just think people have these superficial barriers that need to be crossed in order for an intimate connection to be possible.

People who fall in "love at first sight" never make it past shallow waters. In the end, they quickly return to the nearby shore. But when two people keep going farther into the deeper waters, they can reach a point when they sink, and drown. They're stuck deep underwater forever.

Hum. What's with all this love talk anyway?? Anna's and Frances' fault. Nyarharhar.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 10:25 PM

~*~ I was chatting with my friend Anna earlier, and our conversation touched on one of the queerer sides of attraction. She said something about the natural tendency for one to want what he or she cannot attain. I was inclined to disagree at first, which is strange, because upon giving it more thought I remembered that in a way, I was - and still am - like that.

Yes, Anna, I now sometimes hate it when you are right, too.

It just brought to mind all my obsessions in the past, and how at times it seemed that it was all for the thrill of chasing something too fast for me to catch up with, so to speak. It was only a few years back when I appreciated the highs of being able to catch up, but now that I'm on the loose again, my hunger for the chase seems to have been restored. But then there's also my sordid way of living in the past sometimes, and if you look at it, I guess we tend to long for the past so much sometimes simply because we can never have it back.

Also brings to mind another friend (whose identity I shall not disclose, though i'm sure he/she would figure out it's him/her I'm referring to) I talked to recently, who is obsessing over two people right now. He/She seems to believe he/she can have neither of them, and yet remains smitten by both of them to such an incredible extent. And there it is again, the mystery of why we pitiful mortals prefer to dream (seemingly) impossible dreams.

So why do we want what we can't have? Are humans incapable of satisfaction, or even contentment? Is it all about searching for that higher level of consciousness or something? Is it the inner longing for perfection, or for god-hood, or for God?

I guess it's a secret we'd have to die for.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 3:10 PM

Monday, August 09, 2004

~*~ She nonchalantly glides her way
Through the winding paths of every day.
She takes one look at me with diamond eyes,
And flashes her brilliant, crystalline smile,
And I am enamored.

She brings joy to countless nameless faces,
And her laughter fills the air with music;
A neglected plea, a blameless act of her own frailty,
And she comes running to me, weeping torrents,
And I am enamored.

She soars through the clouds and the seasons
As I'm left on earth to grovel at her feet.
She dances and tip-toes just out of reach
Of my outstretched arms and groping fingertips.
Still, I am enamored.

She is a princess wooed by many a prince,
A goddess worshipped by wise men and nobles.
A humble serf am I, with neither rank nor riches,
Dreaming hopeless dreams of her heart and hand,
For I am enamored.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 9:40 PM

Sunday, August 08, 2004

~*~ Talk about a bittersweet weekend.

Saturday and the earliest part of today was fun. The afternoon of Saturday was spent celebrating the 18th birthday of a good friend and blockmate, Anna. Her "debut" was quite remarkable, for instead of having a self-centered ceremony, she opted to celebrate it in an orphanage, where she and her guests could give some kids a good time for at least a day. She treated us out at Italiani's afterwards. It was a great celebration, and I'm sure she had as much fun as everyone else present did.

After that party it was straight to another one, the birthday bash of a close high school friend, GK. This presented a different treat, as it was a rare reunion of sorts for me and my high school circle of friends. It felt kind of weird because everyone was talking about work and extended studies, but it was the same old crowd and it was great to get together with them again. I rode home with one of my closest friends, TJ, and we ended up having a long conversation full of reminiscing and of catching up on each other's lives. He went home at bloody 5 a.m. this morning.

The rest of Sunday didn't turn out so well. On a shallow note, lack of sleep took its toll on me and I was brain-dead for most of the day. But the really awful thing was me waking up after some few stolen hours of sleep to find a text from a high school friend, saying our high school classmate's father was killed in a car accident, while his mom was rushed to the hospital where she's said to be in critical condition. I just fel bad about this. This was the third "A-boy dad" taken since we graduated. And it was a stinging reminder of how just like that, anyone can be taken away abruptly, at any time.

Please pray for Mr. and Mrs. Nestor Ponce. And I guess this would be a reminder for all of us not to take those we hold dear for granted, as hard as that might be in times such as these. The world may have become much crazier and more hectic, but we, the residents, are no less mortal.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 7:29 PM

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

~*~ A whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttt??!!??!

Migs Yap was
a Mean Body Builder
in a past life.

Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 7:04 PM

Monday, August 02, 2004

~*~ There is no bad day worse than one that started out great.

Well, in retrospect, it didn't really start out great either. Language and Phil. History classes each presented me with bad news. It's just that there came this shining moment in the middle of the day that made me forget the morning's tribulations. I was actually starting to think that it wasn't going to be such a bad day after all.

Then there came a pair of blows that told me I was dead wrong.

First was about the Theology paper I submitted on the Papal letter Ecclesia de Eucharistia; a paper I found difficult to do and struggled with last week. My friend Kristy informed me that the papers were returned, and that mine was rejected because it seemed I hadn't read the letter. What the f***?! That was utter bulls**t. How could I struggle with a paper if I didn't even read what the bloody heck it was about?! I've never been so pissed off at a holy man in my life. For a few moments I felt like he was really sent by God's nemesis. But anyway, I have to get to the bottom of this travesty as soon as possible. I'll just have to calm down, resist the urge to kick off his balding head, and remind myself he's the professor and a clergyman to boot, and practice my smile, my tact and my diplomacy. Grr. My apologies. Among other things I'm really pissed and stressed, and this is the last thing I need.

Second... well, that's classified. Suffice it to say that it was a painful test of my resolve. I resolved to stay level-headed and selfless about this situation, and I'm going to stand by that. Still, it doesn't change the fact that, bluntly put, it sucks.

Damn. There are still so many requirements looming overhead. Indeed, when it rains, it pours. Bugger it all.

...at every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss... - Paolo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes"

Migs, 5:41 PM